


Luke, I am NOT your Father

by Phlinting



Series: Loki Loves Movie Night [4]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Canon Divergence - Post-Avengers (2012), F/M, M/M, Marvel Cinematic Universe Phase One Compliant, Multi, We're in the movie
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-20
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-08-16 08:21:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8094910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phlinting/pseuds/Phlinting
Summary: Loki has been putting the Avengers and Co. into various movies for the past couple years. Sure, the first two had unexpected outcomes, but it's been smooth sailing and fun for everyone since then. He has no reason to believe Star Wars will be any different. No seriously. No reason whatsoever to think ANYTHING might go wrong. Nope, no reason at all...





	1. Prologue

A Quick Summation by Darcy Lewis.

_Okay, shhh. I’m going to use my dramatic voice._

Loki, god of mischief, lover of liars, and totally nice guy… 

_Ugh, Darcy! Don't say that – I have a reputation to uphold!_

_Yeah, okay, what...ever._

As I was saying, Loki—the "not secretly a nice guy"—cast a spell a couple of years ago that threw the Avengers into the movie "The Wizard of Oz." It was meant as a prank (and maybe even a way of giving Tony and Steve a chance to finally acknowledge the attraction between them because, oh hell, just the thought of those two together is totally hot…

_Darcy!_

_Geez, untwist your panties. Seriously, dude. You need to._ _**chill.**_

_That has never been funny._

_Oh, come on. That's a little funny. You know, with you being a frost— Annnnyyyyway…_

The movie spell "accidentally" ended up revealing the existence of Hydra inside SHIELD and also the identity of the Winter Soldier. With Loki's help the Avengers were able to rescue Bucky, arrest the Hydra double-agents, and…

_Pay attention mortals, this is the important part._

… **maybe** avoid a Civil War that no one saw coming.

_Honestly, dude? Don't you think it's like drama-queen levels of hysterical to call a disagreement between two guys a "Civil War"? I mean, seriously? …Hey, don't you roll your eyes at me, you ASSguardian you._

_Remind me why I put up with your asinine and childish behavior…_

_Dude, I Tazed your brother._

_Good point. Carry on._

_Thank you. As I was saying…_

The Wizard of Oz thing was kind of a prank, but worked out pretty good for everyone involved, so none of us got mad. Clint found out his secret husband, Phil, wasn't dead, Natasha and Bruce finally admitted their love for each other, and Tony, Steve, and Bucky started with their totally hot threesome, so everyone was pretty happy.

_Well except for me and Janey who were too busy working that night and missed all the fun…_

_I can hardly be held accountable for **your** failure to attend that particular movie night._

_Loki, you're the Great All Powerful Oz—_

_That's hardly a flattering comparison._

_My point, dude, is that you could have like teleported us or something._

_I believe Siberia is nice this time of year._

_You threaten, but I know you love me._

_Hardly._

_Don't lie, dude, I saw the smile._

_Darcy, please just get on with it._

_Geez, fine. Chill, would ya?_

So everyone ended up enjoying the outcome of the movie enough that we agreed to do it a second time (well, a first time for me and Jane.) We all had fun playing as various toys in the Toy Story movie so it wasn't until a few days later that Nat and Clint filled us in on a few things they'd learned when they'd searched "Thad's room" in the house next door to Andy's. 

Learning that Senator Ross was really the Red Hulk and had been doing experiments with Steve's and Bucky's blood samples was seriously unnerving, but it was the discovery of a child—made using the DNA of both Steve and Bucky _(How freaking cool is that? Two guys made a baby!)_ —that changed life in the Avengers Tower the most.

The kid's totally gorgeous too, but whoa is she a stubborn one! Bruce says the Hydra asshats who created her had been trying to remove the kind of stubborn single-mindedness that had made Bucky so hard to control. I gotta tell ya, those dudes failed by a freaking mile. Sarah Rebecca Stark (Yep, she's legally registered as Tony's daughter to remind Tony that he's her dad too) is one of the most stubborn people I've ever met. Her best friend is the Hulk, for heaven's sake. Super serum or not, that kid is gonna give all three of her dads gray hairs. 

_Is it too much to ask that you stay on topic?_

_Bite me._

_That can be arranged._

_And yeah, that's not creepy, like, at all._

_You didn't seem to mind las---mmmmph._

_Eww, did you just lick my hand?_

_Did you really just try to shut me up by placing a hand over my mouth?_

_Asssssss…_ I was saying, movie night with Loki has become a regular thing. We've played through heaps of different movies since then, but I have yet to get a character who can _actually_ _**speak!**_

_Nonsense, the giant furry creature can talk._

_But only Han Solo can understand him!_

_I understand him just fine. Rather a dull creature, but still…_

_Not everyone has access to the Allspeak._

_But he is capable of talking, unlike that time you were a hairbrush."_

_Don't remind me._

_Are we done here?_

_Okay, fine._

Long story short. Tonight's movie is Star Wars. I'm playing Chewbacca. Bucky is Han Solo, and I'm not sure who all the others are just yet, so we'll find out together.

…together.

_Psst, dude, this is the part where you put me back into the movie._

_Patience! The spell isn't child's play._

_Actually I think that's exactly how you sold it to the others a couple years ago. Simple, easy, child's play…_

_I did not!_

_Yeah, I'm pretty sure you did._

_Lady Darcy, you're trying my patience._

_Ooh, we're back to formal titles. Now I know I'm in trouble. I've upset the god of mischief. Whatever shall I do?"_

_Darcy!_

_Dude, I'm missing my part. Just hurry up and put me back in the movie,_

_With…pleasure._ :

_You know, grinding your teeth like that can't be good for them, even if you really are a Norse god…_


	2. Chapter 2

Steve tried to smile when he caught a glimpse of Princess Leia leaning over to say something to R2-D2. He wasn't close enough to hear what she said, but since he'd watched this movie several times already he knew the words anyway.

But it was the fact that he didn't recognize the woman who'd taken the actress's place in their Loki version of Star Wars that intrigued him the most. The last time that had happened they'd met Sam Wilson and he'd turned out to be an integral part of the Avengers. Perhaps this young woman was destined to be a part of their team as well.

Of course it was through Loki's movie spell they'd also learned that General Ross was Red Hulk and Alexander Pierce was the leader of Hydra. So far the spell had cast the Avenger's enemies into the villains' roles, but it didn't pay to take anything for granted. As Loki was always quick to point out, magic often had unexpected side effects.

Steve started to move toward R2-D2 as the princess moved away, only then realizing that he was walking with stiff knees. He glanced down at his hands and finally realized why his facial expression felt frozen in place.

"Thank fuck I'm not wearing a dress this time," R2-D2 said as Steve got close enough to hear him. He couldn't stifle the laugh when he realized the sound had come out in a series of robotic squeaks but that he'd understood the words perfectly anyway.

"But I think you look cute in a dress," Steve said, teasing his lover as he placed a hand on top of R2-D2's domed top.

"I look cute in anything," Tony said, his usual sass not lost the least little bit in translation, "but I'm not going to complain about having a stable wheelbase this time around. I'm still trying to recover emotionally from the terrifying experience of trying to balance on Bo-Peep's teeny-tiny feet and high heels."

"Of course you are," Steve said with a laugh. It had been two years since they'd played the Toy Story movie, but he wasn't surprised that it was the most memorable. It had led them to finding their daughter, after all.

The ship rocked under their feet again as the chaos around them increased. "Well, come on," Tony said. "I think this is the part where we sneak into an escape pod."

Getting lost in the desert heat was less fun, but since the spell moved the scenes along in much the same timeframe as the movie it wasn't long before they were being purchased by Luke Skywalker and then wandering back into the desert to find Obi Wan.

~*~

Phil Coulson rubbed at his forehead, a little bit surprised to realize he could feel "the force" pressing on his brain. That was a new and rather irritating experience in one of Loki's movie-verse spells _(Thanks, Loki, god of assholery.)_ Fortunately Phil was distracted from the growing headache by the arrival of Sand People and his character’s need to rescue R2-D2, C-3PO, and Luke Skywalker from their clutches. 

The droids were easy to recognise., but the young man with them was both a stranger and somehow familiar. 

Together the four of them watched Princess Leia's message and quickly discussed what to do. They tried to skip over the part where Luke raced home to find his aunt and uncle murdered, but the devastating scene ended up playing out.

Luke's reaction to their deaths was far too real, and Coulson found himself hoping that whoever the guy was in real life that he wouldn't remember any of this when he woke up.

~*~

By unspoken agreement Steve and Tony played their parts as faithfully to the movie script as possible. Ordinarily they'd have fun with their roles, messing up the scenes just because they could, but it seemed callous to behave that way when "Luke" was clearly grieving.

"Have you got any information on this guy?" Steve asked Tony in what he hoped was a language Luke Skywalker didn't understand.

"Sadly, no," Tony answered in a series of beeps and whistling noises. "R2-D2 is surprisingly short on actual information."

"I was talking about information in your brain, my beautiful genius," Steve said, trying to mask the urge to laugh by titling his body to the side the way C-3PO usually did when he was confused or annoyed. "You've got an eidetic memory, Tony. Have you never seen a photo of this guy anywhere?"

"Thank you for reminding the guy who never forgets anything that he has an eidetic memory," Tony quipped, his irritation not the least bit serious.

Steve tried to roll his eyes at Tony's sass and regretted the attempt almost immediately. Damn, they didn't usually feel pain in these stories. When this movie was over he'd check with Loki and make sure he hadn't "improved" his spell a little too much this time. They could still clap their hands to leave at any time, but since they were all quite stubborn and used to working through pain, it probably wasn't such a good idea. The last thing the Avengers needed was one of them getting seriously injured inside a damn movie.

"So have you seen any photos of our new friend 'Luke'?" Steve asked again.

Tony made a noise that sounded very much like a "raspberry" and said in his most smart-ass tone, "Not that I remember."

"Okay," Steve said, a little bit relieved that he couldn't actually smile at Tony's sass, "maybe JARVIS can help us out when we get home."

Tony made an affirmative sound as the speeder they were traveling in slowed to a stop. It had been a strangely bumpy ride for something that was supposed to be traveling on air.

"These aren't the droids you're looking for," Phil said, waving his hand the same way Obi Wan had done in the movie.

"You sure about that, my love?" a familiar voice asked. 

Phil grinned when Clint took the helmet off his head and leaned in for a kiss, but they both hesitated when Clint's gaze landed on the younger man in the speeder beside his husband.

"These aren't the droids you're looking for," Phil repeated, staying in character while Clint quickly recovered from his shock.

"These aren't the droids we're looking for," Clint repeated back in a toneless voice, using the line from the movie but nodding his head as some sort of silent communication passed between them.

"Move along," Phil instructed, nodding as Clint repeated the words and waved them through the blockade.

Steve looked back just in time to see Clint clap his hands twice.

~*~

Darcy grumbled at Loki the whole time they waited for the others to arrive at the bar, her outrageous insults and outlandish threats in the Wookie language getting more and more colorful as time stretched on. Bucky grinned, happy to know that, while they bickered like children a lot of the time, Darcy and Loki were very close friends. Perhaps even lovers these days, but since neither of them seemed ready to acknowledge their relationship publicly the rest of the Avengers hadn't grilled them for details just yet.

They were a nosy bunch of fucks though—as curious as any other family he supposed—so chances were the interrogating would start sooner rather than later.

Glancing around the room, Bucky finally realized that he recognized quite a few of the people who'd been cast as characters in the movie's iconic bar scene, so it was a little bit of a shock to realize that he didn't recognize the guy playing Luke Skywalker as he walked in the door.

But at least Obi Wan was familiar.

"Any clue who this guy is?" Bucky whispered to Phil once the "transport negotiation" scene was done.

"Not yet," Phil answered calmly, his "Agent Coulson" tone of voice not really a shock to Bucky under the circumstances. In their line of work, none of them really liked surprises.

Bucky turned to Chewbacca-Darcy who growled but answered negatively, and then he tried to shrug off the worry for now. There was nothing he could really do but watch and stay close and let the movie play out. At least, having been cast into a major role it suggested the guy was very important to their future in a hopefully positive way.

"Oh," Phil said, just as he and "Luke" were leaving, "I doubt you'll be surprised by who got cast as the droids everyone is looking for."

Bucky laughed as he pictured his lovers as two adorable robots.

~*~

Despite Imperial pursuit, Bucky and Darcy managed to get the Millennium Falcon off the planet and into space even as Tony and Steve argued and "Luke" tried to help. Phil took a step back and merely watched, forming the bland expression and non-threatening appearance he'd carefully crafted over many years working for SHIELD.

For a moment everything felt terribly real, their mission to deliver the plans to the rebel forces and save the entire galaxy making Phil's heart thump harder and his hands shake just a little. Without the full adrenaline surge that came with real danger, the feeling kind of sucked. 

Things calmed down once they entered hyperspace, so it gave them all a chance to observe the new guy a bit more closely. 

And, damn, he was a natural with a light saber, taking to the weapon far more quickly than the actual Luke Skywalker ever did. But his obvious skill and quick relexes didn’t do anything to help identify who he was in real life.

~*~

Princess Leia was terrified to have been caught, but she did her best to hide it behind sassy words and a sarcastic attitude. Showing weakness in front of Darth Vader only fed the man's cruelty.

And he was a man, she reminded herself, just a man underneath that black mask and the scary breathing sounds that made him seem so terrifying.

But it was the niggling thought that she was more powerful, that she had skills and abilities that were far stronger than his, and that she shouldn't be frightened to stand up to such a dangerous man that kept her off balance.

She ended up giving them the information they demanded, desperate to save billions of lives on Alderaan even if it meant betraying the Rebels.

But it was when Governor Tarkin ordered that the planet be destroyed anyway that she finally saw red...


	3. Chapter 3

"Clint?" Loki asked, trying to hide his concern behind a disdainfully lifted eyebrow. Clint wasn't fooled. The last time he'd left a movie night early he and Natasha had flown off on a rescue mission to save Bucky and Steve's biological child from a lab of horrors, so Loki was entitled to be a little worried.

"Phil recognized the kid playing Luke," Clint informed them in a casual tone, trying to make it sound like idle curiosity. "Just thought I'd look him up."

Loki and Thor weren't buying it.

"Why?" Thor asked, moving out of his seat, his hand flexing as if he might call Mjolnir any moment.

"Because if Phil is concerned, chances are that the kid is in SHIELD's files."

"And if he's on SHIELD's radar, it would be nice to know why," Loki concluded.

"But surely we have no reason to fear the young man. He's been cast as one of the lead characters. Surely that means he's meant to be an Avenger."

Loki rolled his eyes at his brother's words—a habit he hadn't indulged in for quite a few months—and shook his head in exasperation.

"It depends on your interpretation of the movie," Clint said, not really wanting to get into a philosophical debate on the varying messages within modern story telling. At Thor's adorably confused look—and yes, Clint was aware that the guy used the "dumb blond" thing to his advantage—he tried to summarize as quickly as possible. "Most people agree that Star Wars is a story of good triumphing over evil, but it can also be described as the story of an angry young man who joins a religious extremist group to fight against the authorities after the murder of his family."

Thor nodded slowly. "I can see your concern. Perhaps we can identify the young woman playing Leia at the same time. Are they not revealed to be brother and sister in subsequent movies?"

Clint nodded, his concern deepening. Leia's character could also be considered a terrorist if one considered her affiliation with the "rebel" alliance. Clint rubbed his head tiredly as he considered the implications. As the saying went, there were always at least two sides to every story. "Who's playing Han Solo?" he asked, not quite sure he wanted to know.

"Bucky," Thor said, frowning thunderously as if Clint was about to accuse their friend of being some sort of enemy within. Then again he had been a weapon—unwillingly and under extreme duress—for more than seventy years for a terrorist organization that had grown within SHIELD and had apparently planned to take over the world for "its own good." Bucky's role as Han Solo—a criminal and smuggler who eventually helps when people he cares about are in danger—might just be a little too close to actual experience.

Thank fuck the first movie Loki had dropped them into had revealed the identity of The Winter Soldier and Hydra's plans for clichéd world domination, and had led to rapid and mostly trouble-free arrests. It didn't bear thinking at what might have happened if they'd been able to talk the director and the WSC into some of their more sinister plots. Networked hellicarriers protecting the globe from potential threats—especially after widely publicized terror attacks overseas—might have seemed good on paper, but the scope for their misuse was near-impossible to estimate. Clint shuddered at the very idea of anything capable of killing a few million specific targets at a time.

Turning back to the TV, Clint thought he saw a flash of something red around Leia a moment before the movie cut to the scene where Alderaan exploded. Clint was quickly sidetracked from wondering whether the red haze had been part of the original movie when, back on the Millennium Falcon, Phil grabbed his head in both hands and staggered sideways.

At first, Clint thought his husband was just "hamming it up" the way they'd been doing inside Loki's movie spells for the past couple years, but the pain seemed far too real. A quick glance at Loki suggested he thought the same thing.

Phil recovered quickly, but it was clear that he'd experienced genuine pain when his character had supposedly felt the millions of voices on Alderaan crying out in terror. The tight lines around his eyes also confirmed to Clint that his husband suffered a lingering headache.

"Bring him out," Clint ordered, fear dictating his decisions in a way it never would have in the field. He glanced over his shoulder toward Sarah's bedroom, irrationally concerned for young girl. She was with Bruce, and Hulk was her best friend. No one was getting near her, yet Clint couldn't shake the notion that none of them were safe. "Bring him out now!"

"A wise decision," Thor agreed gravely.

It was apparently also something Phil anticipated Clint saying because he signaled a negative response and mouth the word "wait."

Frustrated that his husband was likely in danger but experienced enough to know that Phil was making the right call, Clint turned his attention to identifying Luke and Leia.

"JARVIS, can you hack into SHIELD files and search for photos of our two newest friends?"

"As you know, Agent Barton, Director Fury has requested that I refrain from entering SHIELD's systems uninvited."

Clint laughed softly. "And I have no doubt that Tony overrode that protocol the first chance he got."

"That is correct," JARVIS said, sounding more aggrieved than a computer program should. "Running facial recognition software now." There were a few moments of silence before JARVIS added, "SHIELD files contain an extraordinary number of digital photo files. A full scan will take a minimum of three hours."

"Start with the files we confiscated from Hydra."

"Of course," JARVIS said, silently managing to convey his annoyance at being ordered to do something that would have been his inclination anyway. Some days it was impossible to remember that the AI was really just a very advanced computer program. Heaven help them if one of Tony's creations ever reached sentience. 

"Thanks, J," Clint offered, falling into Tony's habit of using the AI's nickname as he kind of apologized with his tone.

"You're welcome, Agent Barton."

~*~

"You know," Tony said as they followed Phil, Darcy, and "Luke" through the corridors of the Death Star on their way to taking over the control room, "I always wondered where and how they'd hidden the droids when the Storm Troopers boarded the Millennium Falcon."

"And now we know," Steve said, laughing softly. 

"Know?" Tony asked. "We didn't exist. How is that 'knowing?'"

"I assume it means we were off screen, or not on set, or whatever it is movie people call it when characters are not actually in a scene even when they technically are."

"You are no help," Tony said, the squeaks and whistles still sounding adorable despite Tony's playful angst. "Zero. Nada. Nothing."

"I can help you find the princess," Steve offered, laughing at Tony's offended musical tone. "Fine, you can find her on your own."

"It helps that I already know where she is," Tony said, rolling right on through the blaster fire as Bucky, Darcy, and Phil easily took over the control room.


End file.
